I didn’t really think this through.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and retelling these stories is going to be hard. I’m going to cause pain to people I care deeply for. I hope all of you understand I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the distress you’ll feel when I write about you, or when I pull back the curtain and show you what I’ve done in these few months.
Just writing these few posts has brought back every feeling, every deep, painful emotion. It’s like it’s all happening for the first time. If I’m going to keep the theme of honesty and tell all of the truth of what’s happened since Christine left me it’s going to hurt. It’s going to hurt a lot.
I’m staring at my monitor through tears thinking about what I’m going to have to relive. You’d think I would be through the worst after writing about the time immediately following Christine’s death, but the worst is ahead. I have to write about the hardest day of my life. The dread and sadness I feel knowing what I’ll be experiencing is killing me. I can’t help thinking I wasn’t good enough to keep her safe, that I failed. I think this will all make sense to you when I recount that day.
Because I have to tell you about the day I told my kids I lost their mom.